toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My room smells like vodka and shame
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
