I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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