He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
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While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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