Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
