Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
