I wish I could teleport
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
