All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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