Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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