ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize