yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
