Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
