I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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