these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
