There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
