We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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