so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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