Your tits are I can't wait for
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
nutella sex= disaster
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
