i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
