Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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