I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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