We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
