He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
