White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
