All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize