last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
