My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I love having hate sex.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on