I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
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we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
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No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker