she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
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so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.