i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila