We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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