Who wears a wallet chain?!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
