Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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