So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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