all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
