Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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