oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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