____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
