hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
