I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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