Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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