don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
try to milk me bitch
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