Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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