Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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