OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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