Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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