i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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