He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dick very happy bro
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
