You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
