Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
