Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
