the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
