i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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