dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
