So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
