The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
