I just pynch a tree in the face
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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