she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
