There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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