I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
