Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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