He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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